New Life Goals

On Saturday, I saw [his] best friend.

He asked about my dating life; I avoided answering. He asked if I was interested in one of the two guys who had taken me out the night before.

I told him I'm picky.

He asked me what that meant.

And then it all came out.

I told him [his friend] screwed me over. And that now, I'm incredibly cautious about guy's motives whenever they express interest. I told him it isn't uncommon for me to go out a few times a week, or even have two dates in one day like I did on Friday. But that I refuse to ever love a man again who can't love me more than he loves himself.

And then, [his] friend looked at me and said, "I agree with you 100%."

I was shocked.

He continued, "I don't agree with how anything in that situation was handled. [He] is my best friend, but I am completely on your side with this."

I told him that I deserve more than poor treatment from a man who acts like I am their first priority, for months, and acts like the decision to marry me is their first priority, but never actually makes anything except [his] own desires the first priority. Who is selfish with me and who makes the relationship all about [him].

[His] friend said, "I completely agree with that."

I told him I am willing to let guys work for it now.

He slammed [him] as he said, "The only ones who are worth it are the ones that will. You deserve that, Elise."

I told him that [his friend's] selfishness was the reason why I looked him in the face in September and told him he is a jackass.

[His] friend said, "Good. You should have. [He] is my best friend, but I don't agree with his dating philosophy at all."

I just thought, "I don't agree with his philosophy on any relationship."

I told him that the only thing that God said to me when it all fell apart in June was that God was disappointed in [him] too, and that God's intent for the relationship was for it to be eternal, but that [he] had screwed it up, and that everything that [he] had been saying to me for months about my qualities and whether or not I was 'what he wanted' (good enough) for him to marry, was not true.

[His] friend looked shocked. I don't think anyone knew (including myself) the manipulation and emotional abuse I experienced for months.

And then he said, "Elise, you are my friend regardless of my relationships with other people. You are important to me, and our relationship is our relationship, and has nothing to do with who introduced us or what friends we have."

I looked at him and thanked him.

I apologized for being standoffish all last semester, but that he and his entire friend group had represented the most painful rejection I had ever suffered. He told me that it was okay, and that if I was ever having a hard day, that I could completely ignore him and he would understand. He told me I never had to say hi to him, and that he was sorry if he caused me any pain, if he was a painful reminder.

I told him I appreciated that. And then I asked him to keep this information sensitive- to keep it quiet. He promised he would, that I could trust him.

I said, "One more thing. I don't want you to ever look at me and see someone who is broken. I am careful now, but not broken."

He responded, "Elise, honestly I have never thought that. Ever since I saw you last fall you have looked better than ever. You quite obviously are working your butt off and you are going to medical school. You have seemed happier and more radiant than I ever remember. I have never thought you were broken."

We hugged. I told him I loved him. He told me he loved me, and that our friendship meant so much to him.

And then I walked away.

The rest of the day I was crying, because this was so beautifully tragic. To be validated in such a way was not something I was expecting. To hear someone who loves [him] recognize the mistakes [he] made and the fact that all it took was better choices was tragic. But mostly because this was the breakthrough God had been promising me for a long time. The day that I didn't need to hear validation from someone who loved [him] was the day that I did hear it. And I am so grateful for God's timing. He says more healing is coming, and to trust in His timing.

New life goal: Never marry, or date again, a man who's very best friend in the entire world thinks that he's a jackass.

New short term goal: Stop stressing long enough to be able to build healthy dating relationships again. Any guy that I have been interested in has caused me huge amounts of stress... because I'm worried they'll see my qualities and decide I'm not good enough.

Weird, I wonder where I would get that idea?

Jackass.