"It is Forgotten"

I've finally got myself all moved into my new apartment, and my new roommate already overheard me having a passionate mental breakdown so we're all good there, she's got her feet wet for what it's like to live with me!

I've been thinking a lot this week and felt impressed to write down what I've learned about this phrase, "It is forgotten." When uttered by God, I think I lack understanding for the weight it carries.

Have you ever done something so horrible, or experienced something so tragic or heartbreaking, that it feels like even if you try, this event will define the rest of your life? That it will follow you around, becoming a footnote that explains who you are and why you behave the way that you do, and that everyone around you will know it about you?

I have.

The last 3 1/2 years of my life have been this experience, seemingly over and over again.

I got a blessing recently, and in it was promised that "the events that have burdened you for the last 3-4 years will begin to fall away this semester. You will not feel them as keenly as you have in the past and you will be able to move forward." I practically jumped for joy.

I feel like I have been wading through mud, trying so hard to grasp the prize that God has set in front of me of a life that is determined by His thoughts and my righteous actions, rather than others mistakes or some happenstance horrible illness that still affects my daily life. God has said to me again and again that as I come closer to Him, I will see the future that He has in store for me- the future that is brighter and more beautiful than I can imagine right now. I feel it, it's like knowing the sun is right below the top of a mountain about to rise. But in the same way, it seems to so far out of my grasp at times as I wade through the messy bits.

I remember at one point in October last year, I got a blessing. I was being suffocated by my past, by the abuse I had experienced in a serious relationship that almost ended in marriage (and I am so grateful did not), and by what I had felt God say about that relationship- that He had intended for it to be eternal, but the other party had made disgustingly poor choices that had ruined its potential. I was still suffering from frequent bouts of weakness and low blood pressure, and my degree of choice was becoming increasingly unsatisfactory to me, and I felt frustrated at the lack of any type of answer or vindication in some of the most painful and major parts of my life.

The blessing stated, simply but profoundly, "To God, all that is past is forgotten. He sees your future only."

I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

How could things that seemed to define everything in my life still, that were not my fault, be forgotten? How could God only see my future, a future that He, through His omnipotence, was able to develop perfectly for me as I keep the commandments and come as close to Him as I can, regardless of illnesses and other's choices screwing up the original plans?

I honestly don't know. But here I am, 10 months later, and still barely able to understand that. All is forgotten; I have permission to grasp the brightest future ahead of me, regardless of the mistakes of my past. I am not defined by tragedy or loss or bitterness or evil men. I am pure, and of infinite worth, and I am defined by God alone- and He sees me of such great value, that He has forgotten all that is past so that I can become something more powerful and beautiful than I can even imagine.

That is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It means with God, the past is forgotten.

I thank God for saving my life. Life is not fair and sometimes we get the short end of the stick. But God doesn't care about that- He just wants us to be happy, and is willing to carry us through any trial or tragedy so that we can achieve His greatest hope for us- lasting happiness. The things that suck in this life are not God's direct fault- we agreed to suckiness when we came to Earth. God knew it would be horrible at times. His end of the deal is to walk through it with us, holding our hands and teaching us as much as He possibly can so that we become something.

I truly believe that He cries when we cry. But that does not mean that He does not see the future that we can have as well.

God is real. Grasp it- His hand, the future He has in store for you. Grasp even the smallest bit and hang on for dear life. With God, everything is already working itself out, already forgotten.